10 Commandments for interacting with kids on the Spectrum

1. Thou shall not yell when speaking to me.

My disability does not impair my hearing and I am extremely bright. Perhaps even brighter than you are.

2. Thou shall not ignore me, talk negatively about me, speak unnaturally slow, or ask questions to others in the room that pertain to me.

I can comprehend what you are saying just fine.

3. Thou shall believe in me and help me believe in my skills and self worth.

Note the good in me and do not merely point out my negative behaviors. Believe in me and I will believe in myself.

4. Thou shall not perceive me as dumb.

I am extremely intelligent. I do not learn in the same way as you, and maybe not as quickly as you expect me to. Have patience with me. Once I recall information, I never forget.

5. Thou shall not judge my behavior.

I can get overstimulated in certain environments. I may be hypersensitive to sound and loud noises may hurt my ears. Fluorescent lights are distracting for me. They have a humming noise, and can pulsate. All the noises in a room can blur together. Please make accommodations to help me.

6. Thou shall not be so quick to scold me.

Do not tell me that “I know what I did”. I do not. Tell me what my infraction was in a simple, concise manner. I want to please you, but I have difficulties inferring meaning within a vague statement. For instance, do not say please clean up your bedroom. Tell me exactly what you want, such as ‘Please make your bed and pick up your toys”.

7. Thou shall not compare me to others.

Please remind me, and note the talents that I possess. This increases my confidence and positive self worth. Learning disabled or not, we ALL have talents to contribute within society. I need you to help me realize what mine is. Believe in me and I will believe in myself.

8. Thou shall not exclude me from activities.

Please do not mimic me, ignore me, or bully me. Please invite me to play with you. It hurts my feelings when I am excluded. I like to run and jump in the playground, and be invited to birthday parties too. Grownups can help me make friends by encouraging other children to play with me. I can be a loyal friend if you get to know me.

9. Thou shall give me choices.

I do not like being ordered about any more than the other children. Give me choices so I know you value my capabilities and opinions. Make them simple and concise. Present two options or so. I get confused when too many questions or directions are given at one time due to my processing speed. For instance, ask me if I would like to wear my blue sweater or green one, rather than asking which sweater I would like to wear.

10. Thou shall not judge me by my diagnosis, but by my character.

I am an individual, just like other children.

A reason to celebrate...

When my son Jesse was 8 or 9 months old I started noticing things about him that made me think he could be autistic. He didn't really interact and loved staring out the window or looking at how the sunlight would play on his skin for hours. He was scared of loud, sudden sounds and didn't tolerate the texture of food well. I mentioned this one day to his DR who told me I was an overly concerned mother and that there was no way we could know something like that so early on. The Dr wanted us to wait until Jesse was 5 to really voice concerns.

As Jesse grew my concerns continued. He wasn't talking, didn't play with toys, didn't walk until he was 18 months old and continued to enjoy being in his own little world.

Thankfully we had a wonderful Parents As Teacher case worker and friend who also was concerned about Jesse and helped us get him in our states Early Intervention program. He started receiving speech therapy, Occupational therapy and Physical therapy. He was also evaluated through this program and received his diagnosis of Mild/Moderate Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I have gone through times where I have been very depressed, angry, hurt and felt like I lost something, but at the same time having his diagnosis has allowed us to help him in a way that we might not have been able to before. His diagnosis is not a label... it was a means for us to reach our son.

Jesse turned 5 last week, and as I sit here and think about everything we have gone through so far in this journey, I realize we truly have a reason to celebrate. We have our son and he is talking, laughing, happy and very unique. I have gained so much in learning about who he is and what it means to find joy in the simple things of life. Had we waited to "become concerned" about him when he turned 5 I am not sure I would have had the joy of a conversation with him about what he did in school today or the fact that he told me he had fruit snacks that had green, orange, yellow and blue but no purple or red. I have learned to laugh about some of his quirks. They are who he is and we are very blessed.

Wow February already...

Things have been crazy so far this year. We have all been battling the flu... each of us having our turn with it and Jesse has had it twice now. Its been going around like crazy in our area.

This winter has been really nice and mild. We are expecting our first snow storm Sunday into Monday. Could get up to 4 inches. A little worried because Chuck will be flying home Monday from Orlando... hoping that his flight isn't delayed.

Jesse will be turning 5 on Monday! I can't believe how fast time has gone by. No more baby. We will be celebrating his birthday on the 19th with a small get together. Nothing to big because we don't want to stress him out.

Bryan is still doing really well at school but has had a hard year with friends. A boy at school isn't being really nice... one minute he is his friend the next he is bullying Bryan or telling others not to be friends with him. I hate seeing how much it hurts him. We have told him to stay away from the kid that he is not and has never been his friend. Bryan is just so forgiving.

I have been sticking to a exercise routine and have made changes in my diet. So far I have lost almost 10 pounds! Very excited about it and have been feeling better too. Maybe this time I can stick with it.